Sentosa today

Some of the church went to Sentosa today to celebrate the birthdays of Gary (our youth leader) and Louis (our youth leader to be? heh heh)


We went to Palawan beach at Sentosa and even though the weather wasn't that great ie; it was rainy, we still managed to have a pretty good time


It was also an excellent opportunity to me remember why exactly i'm not so hot on the beach concept: I can't swim


My inability to swim brings out another aspect in me: mild hydrophobia. Now, my fear of large bodies of water began from so long ago i think my mind has blocked it out lest i actually remember. Least to say, i cannot swim, i cannot relax in water and my feet must absolutely always touch the ground


Sure, many of the church offered to ferry me on their shoulders to this small little wooden block floating in the middle of the Lagoon (Did not take geography, but it *should* be a lagoon) but i had to reject them.


It was not a matter of trust. In other matters i could trust these people with my life, but honestly, i was scared out of my mind. If my feet could not touch solid ground, there's no way i'm going across


Strangely enough, if i'm in a canoe, this fear does not manifest in me. How queer.


Thinking back, I find my fear of water to be irrational, hence calling it a phobia. I feel its mild because i am still capable of willing the fear away but nonetheless, its a daunting prospect for me


This is one aspect of my life that i positively abhor about myself. I wouldn't mind bungee jumping or parachuting but throw me in a body of water and i'll panic. The fear is irrational, it is illogical, there should be no reason for it and yet it exists. It is my failure, and i cannot tell you how much that hurts.


Despite all that though, i still managed to spend some time with Ariel, she accompanied me despite the fact that she could have enjoyed herself by swimming with the rest. So thank you dearie, for you made me feel much better despite all the awkwardness i felt.


Also, there's a half-naked pic of me. I realise that i'm skinny; that too frustrates me to no end. I could blame my body type, being an ectomorph and all but if its one thing i've told me brother, its that i hate blaming our predicaments on others. I will continue to try to gain some weight and try to get some physique as well. Believe me, i looked worse 2 months ago (if it were indeed possible)


So there's that. A happy time with the church and an opportunity for deep introspection.